Understanding Grief – The Essentials

Connect with your casualty assistance officer

Your casualty assistance officer serves as a liaison between you and the service branch. Make the most of your relationship with your CAO. He or she understands the military environment and is aware of available support from various resources. Assigned exclusively to you for an indefinite period of time – until you determine that assistance is no longer needed– your CAO helps with the funeral and burial, initial compensation and survivor benefits.

Relevant Articles:

• Overview of Casualty Assistance
• Understanding the Role of the Casualty Assistance Officer

Relevant Resources:

• The Days Ahead – Essential Papers for Families of Fallen Service Members
• Military Funeral Honors Directory
• Survivor’s Guide to Benefits: Taking Care of our Families Fact Sheet

Share your grief.

Sharing your grief with others in similar situations or with a trained professional can be healing. Contact a military and family life counselor through your installation’s Military and Family Support Center or via a Veterans Affairs bereavement counseling center. Look into military survivor support organizations listed in “The Days Ahead” or check out bereavement camps, seminars and retreats designed to help you move forward in your grief journey. Military OneSource can help you access grief support organizations for your children and locate resources in your area.

Relevant Articles:

• Bereavement Camps: An Opportunity to Grieve and Heal
• Grief and Loss of a Loved One

Relevant Resources:

• Military and Family Support Center
• Veterans Affairs Bereavement Counseling
• The Days Ahead

Know the five stages of grief.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are known as the “five stages of grief.” Not everyone who grieves will go through all these stages and those who do may not experience the stages in order. Sometimes there is a circling back to certain stages and sometimes stages can occur at the same time. Still, being familiar with these five stages can help you make sense of your emotions.

Relevant Articles:

• Grief and Loss of a Loved One
• Finding Support After the Loss of a Loved One in Military Service

Relevant Resources:

• Understanding Grief: Education for Caregivers —Webinar
• VA Bereavement Counseling Program

Take a break from grief.

Grief has no expiration date. The time it takes for the pain to lessen is different for everyone. Taking brief breaks from your grief will help you avoid fixating on your loss and inspire you to see a life beyond sadness. It is important to try to move past the guilt of having fun, and look for activities to distract you for a short while, such as reading a book, learning something new or planning a trip.

Relevant Articles:

• Grief and Loss of a Loved One
• Finding Support After the Loss of a Loved One in Military Service

Relevant Resources:

• Understanding Grief: Education for Caregivers – Webinar
• Sesame Street’s When Families Grieve
• VA Bereavement Counseling Program