Thinking about marrying a service member? Marriage can be a rewarding step — but it’s also a lifelong commitment. Taking time to talk through important questions can help you and your significant other build a strong foundation. Use the questions below to explore your expectations, values and goals together.
These questions aren’t meant to give “right” or “wrong” answers. Instead, they can help you start meaningful conversations and better understand each other.
Communication and trust
- Are you prepared for separation? Long deployments, separations and other military obligations bring challenges civilians typically don’t face. You may be apart for months at a time — for holidays, birthdays and family events.
- Are you feeling pressure to marry before separation? If you doubt your relationship will last a separation, it probably won’t last a lifetime. So take time to talk through those concerns together.
- Do you trust each other? Military marriage requires more blind trust than your average marriage. Are you confident both of you will be faithful during separations?
- How do you handle important decisions? Do you discuss them with each other and make decisions together, including military career decisions, such as whether to reenlist? Major decisions take the commitment of two.
Resolving conflicts
- How do you handle conflict? Do you criticize one another in public or feel jealous? Being critical or losing your temper is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
- Do you “argue well”? Do disagreements stay respectful? Do you focus on what matters, rather than arguing over small things or avoiding conflict altogether?
Career, education and finances
- Do you trust each other with money? Talk about shared accounts, spending habits and your financial goals, including savings and investments.
- Do you have educational goals? If so, you may need to earn a degree through an online university or program, or face possible relocation during your schooling.
- Do you both plan to work? Talk about how military life could affect your careers and how your plans might shift if you start a family.
Home and family life
- Do you share core values and expectations? Compatibility goes a long, long way in a successful marriage. Talk about your views on physical intimacy, having children and parenting approaches.
- What role will religion or spirituality play? Consider how it may shape your lives and decisions as a family.
- Are you prepared to move often and possibly see less of your family and friends? You’ll need to adapt to new social situations, make new friends and get involved — and be prepared for certain obligations to military readiness groups.
Looking inward
- Can you imagine yourselves together far into the future?
- Are you strong enough to handle life on your own? During deployments, crises may arise. Make sure you can handle finances, home maintenance and repairs alone.
- Are you marrying primarily to access military benefits? While this is certainly tempting, by itself it’s not enough reason to enter into a legally binding contract with another person.
How did you do?
It’s good to be honest and know a military marriage may bring an exciting life, as well as its own challenges. Be prepared — you are more likely to enjoy a strong and healthy relationship.
Read a guide to Getting Married in the Military and discover other resources to strengthen your relationship.
Looking for more ways to strengthen your connection? Relationship HQ is your central hub for communication tips, tools and support. Explore resources designed to help you navigate conversations, build trust and stay connected through every stage of your relationship.
If you have questions, contact your local Military and Family Support Center or call Military OneSource at 800-342-9647.
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