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Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored, and it is impossible to completely clear your browser history. If you are concerned that your internet usage is being monitored, contact a domestic abuse victim advocate by using the Domestic Abuse Victim Advocate Locator, contact your nearest Family Advocacy Program office by visiting MilitaryINSTALLATIONS or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for 24/7 help in English, Spanish and more than 200 other languages.
Taking time to reflect on the health of your relationship — whether you’re married, newly dating or in a long-term relationship — is important. By paying attention to your thoughts and feelings about how your partner treats you, you are making an important commitment to yourself and your well-being.
Here are some tips for assessing your relationship health and safety.
Relationships exist on a continuum from healthy to unhealthy to abusive. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust and good communication. But stressful events such as moves, deployments and financial setbacks can pose challenges to any couple. While stressors such as moves, deployments, and financial strain challenge any relationship, relationship distress often exists along a spectrum of intensity.
Unhealthy dynamics — such as communication breakdowns, a lack of boundaries regarding social media usage or conflicts over outside relationships — can fracture even the best relationship. If not discussed and planned for, these additional pressures can increase a couple’s risk for conflict.
It’s natural for all of us to sometimes fall short of being the best spouse or partner. You may notice that you or your partner have exhibited behaviors toward each other that seem unhealthy, such as not listening, blaming or yelling. This can be normal, as long as you and your partner feel safe raising concerns with each other and have learned how to work through disagreements.
This tool from Love Is Respect, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, highlights healthy and unhealthy behaviors to help you reflect on your own relationship. If you feel safe in your relationship, the Military OneSource Relationship Resource Tool can help you explore tailored resources to strengthen your relationship and address relationship challenges.
If you feel as if you’re constantly monitoring what you say or do around your partner or are afraid to bring up a topic that might lead to a difference of opinion, listen to that feeling. It is not OK for your partner to treat you unfairly, be hostile or dismiss your concerns.
If they habitually tell you how you should feel or cause you to question your reactions to their concerning behaviors or your recollection of events, they may be gaslighting you, which is a form of emotional abuse.
Also remember that if your partner becomes violent in any way, or threatens to harm you or your children, that is never OK. The War Department is committed to your safety and your right to choose what’s best for you and your family.
Whether you decide to stay in your relationship or end it, you deserve to understand your options and, above all, feel safe.
Here are a few tips and resources that can help you determine your next steps if you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship:
Speaking to a victim advocate can help you understand the risks of being in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.
If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship, contact a domestic abuse victim advocate through the Domestic Abuse Victim Advocate Locator, reach out to your local Family Advocacy Program office by visiting MilitaryINSTALLATIONS or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
Working with a victim advocate will help you make informed decisions about protecting your safety and identifying options for your next steps.
Everyone deserves to feel safe, loved and respected in their relationship.
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Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, visit the 24/7 Family Advocacy Program Victim Advocate Locator or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800−799−7233.
