Military Couples: When Both Spouses Are Service Members

Dual-military couples benefit from shared experiences that can strengthen military marriages. But they also face unique career challenges.

Knowing what to expect in a dual-military marriage

• Separations – Deployments or remote assignments, and the separation that comes with them, are a fact of life for many military families. However, if you are a dual-military couple, you may spend even more time apart because you’ll be juggling two assignments.
• Complicated career decisions – Passing up career-enhancing assignments or accepting less desirable jobs so a spouse can advance are decisions many dual-career couples face.
• Extra help from family and friends – You may need to ask for extra help from your family and friends, especially if you’re a dual-military couple with children. Family members may need to care for your children if both you and your spouse are deployed or on assignment. Remember that all branches require an official family care plan to ensure the well-being of any children in the event of dual separations.

Understanding the role that rank, service branch and career path can play

Your military path can affect a dual-military marriage in several ways:

• Differences in rank – Service members of different ranks may not share the same experiences or understanding of each other’s career expectations as couples closer in rank.
• Career management – When two service members belong to different career-management fields or communities, it may not always be easy to assign them to the same location. Different specialties — or even the same specialty — may not be needed in the same location, limiting the chances of assignment to the same duty station.
• Service branch – For a couple from different service branches, the likelihood of being in the same duty station becomes even more complicated and depends on coordination across branches and assignment managers. Branches may have differing priorities and resources, which require separating dual-military couples so each may serve their respective branches’ greater missions.

Developing positive coaching strategies in military marriages

Here are a few skills, habits and attitudes you can adopt as a dual-military couple to help manage your lifestyle:

• Focus on communication. This is essential for all healthy relationships, but communicating becomes even more important when your family is balancing two demanding careers. Work around demanding schedules and reserve time to talk openly about your professional and personal needs.
• Honor each other’s goals. Take your partner’s career as seriously as you take your own. This may eventually mean making future career choices based on your spouse’s career goals, and them doing the same for your career. Make joint decisions and realign priorities to support both partners’ goals.
• Be flexible. Your relationship will need to be flexible to accommodate both careers. Expect the balance of career responsibilities and family responsibilities such as child care, preparing meals or paying bills to shift over time.
• Remember the positives. You understand each other’s experiences and can relate to the other’s career triumphs and challenges in ways nonmilitary spouses can’t. Recognize that teamwork and shared sacrifice can strengthen your relationship.

Being proactive toward achieving your goals as a dual-military couple

Here are steps you and your spouse can take to support personal and professional goals:

• Look for joint assignments. Each service branch has a program for assigning married couples to the same duty location or within 100 miles of each other. Be proactive in your search for joint assignments by looking into programs such as the Air Force Joint Spouse Program and the Married Army Couples Program.
• Have realistic contingency plans. By planning for different scenarios, you’ll know you’re both on the same page and can handle whatever comes your way.
• Reach out for support when you need it. There are resources available to help you manage the demands of being a dual-military couple. Seek out confidential, free counseling services through Military OneSource or your installation’s military and family life counselors. You can also reach out to your installation chaplain for confidential guidance and counseling services.